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[This is written in a fairly neat handwriting, in a language that may look roughly similar to Arabic to those familiar with it. The paper on the bulletin board has a small note on top, with a lot of space on the rest of the page for people to fill in as needed.]

Since we're all from different worlds and cultures I think there are a few things we should probably get sorted out as a group. First thing should probably be how to address each other. Go ahead and write your name/title/what you want to be called, your gender identifier if that's important to you, and pronouns to use for you.

Kai, he/him

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[Demure can't help a little sharp pang of embarrassment. He hadn't meant to overstep, and the sharp response just makes him flinch inwardly. Good job, already making himself seem foolish and offending the others he has to get along with.]

Ah- very well. I will use they/them. I... thank you for clarifying.

[He rereads the words, silently scolding himself for asking in the first place. Just like back home, it seemed curiosity would get him in trouble.]

[Illarion was otherwise not responding to this post -- he's not passing out his picture again and he is certainly not identifying himself by name so anyone can put it to his handwriting -- but this exchange catches his eye.]

There are cultures who put people into roles beyond "he" and "she". Often those people are called "they" in translation if a better word doesn't exist for them.

Even if a culture doesn't have such a notion there are sometimes individuals who don't fit as either a man or a woman and ask to be addressed as such.

[Honestly, having someone explain was a relief. He could likely cobble together an understanding of his own eventually, but he was keenly aware that his cultural background didn't... match most of the others. And he'd likely make mistakes.]

Oh! I... can't say I've ever heard of that. Maybe outside the Underdark, or away from the drow and driders? But I've never been anywhere to really... see for myself. How would they even tell, to be able to choose for themselves? I suppose that's the part I'm most stuck on- there's no choice back home, even between male and female.

[wait hang on]

You don't get any choice in your culture?

[that is... somehow even more bullshit than the Arike.]

No?

They... when they're hatched, slings tend to all look the same, so are raised as a cohort. Then when we're about... eight, typically, the molting process reveals differences. Size, fluffiness, and color tend to be the most noticeable differences. Aside from a few outliers, that tends to be the criteria everyone's separated on. Sometimes a male might be larger, or duller in color, or a female might be smaller and brighter, but it's not the norm.

So it's based on features of your bodies? What if you do not feel suited to the role your gender would put you in?

It is, yes.

Sometimes females might leave. One of my sisters... she didn't really fit what a drider female was expected to be. So she left. To... the Surface I think? But she's not allowed to return. Males don't really have that choice. If we're ill-suited, our mothers likely would have simply eaten us at some point. Or perhaps our siblings would have, depending on the clutch.

[what]

I'm sorry, eaten them?

Oh! It's... well someone else mentioned that isn't a thing in most humanoid species. I'm a drider. Arachnoid, I believe they said? But yes. Mothers might eat their young if they're ill. Siblings might eat each other if competition is allowed to become that heightened. A female will almost certainly eat her mates once they've sired a few clutches.

I was... somewhat safe from being eaten growing up. The eighth child is considered lucky. I still had to be careful of course, but at least Mother didn't try and make a snack of me.

[he doesn't know what to say to any of that.]

I see.

This might be a strange question to you, but what is the purpose of it? I think I understand the competition angle, and perhaps the illness, but why a mate after there are children?

Well, once a male's sired a clutch, there's not really much more need for him. Some might wait- if a male is from a line that sires desirable traits or tends to father higher numbers of females, they might be kept for longer. Or if a female genuinely likes their Consort they might wait to eat them until they're no longer able to sire more- that's a bit more romantic though.

Most of the time now it's considered a bit wasteful to only get one clutch before eating a Consort, but traditionalists still might on occasion.

ok but

why eat them at all?

why not just let them live?

I don't know, honestly. I think... in smaller settlements it might be a matter of too many mouths to feed. Aside from that, simply tradition? And if a sibling murders another in competition for power, it's a waste to let the body just rot.

I... wasn't really allowed to ask about things like that.

[oh, that he's familiar with. he remembers Dahin telling him something similar, when he was still young.]

I've never understood that. In the first family I lived with, if you asked questions they just sent you to the elders to learn useful things.

Males aren't supposed to ask questions. It's not... seemly.

[well that's stupid]

I've found that it's usually more about control than people caring what is 'seemly.'

But obviously I don't know much about your culture.

[he still thinks it's probably about control.]

It's... not supposed to be. I think?

[But then by definition he's not one of the ones in control, so how would he even know?]

The Mothers all are supposed to look out for us. Make sure we're strong. A healthy part of the Unending Weave. That's... what we're told, anyways.

For the orcs of my home, the choice between "he" or "she" or "they" is something they make when they come of age. Being a rose, thorn, or root doesn't have anything to do with the sex of their bodies but what they want to do with their lives. Whether they are warriors or artists, politicians, or builders. There it's a decision of preference. Or what your family wants for you. Or utility. For those of us who move in orcish circles it's best to pick the role most suited for how you want them to treat you. I was a "she" to orcs -- a thorn.

Dwarves, from my limited understanding, simply feel more comfortable called one way or another. Though that might also have some cultural aspect I am unaware of; I didn't treat much with them.

For my own people, there have been a few who reinvent themselves down to whether they're a man or a woman every time they die-to-the-flock, [that word does not have a good translation through the Library,] though that is a very rare change. Not something we talk about much. More often someone determines he or she has been born with an opposite soul and should be she or he. Still rare, but the more usual case. Also a product of culture.

Here, if you read, you see the same diversity of opinion borne out. There might be others who could explain alternate perspectives to you.

Edited 2026-01-20 00:55 (UTC)

I... don't think I ever considered that it might be something chosen. For any reason, really. In my own culture it's simply a thing that is- there's no real... choice behind it. And there's so much tied to gender, in what you can do, and what power you hold I don't know that anyone ever has done as you're talking of.

It makes sense, that it's a product of culture, what people might do. I'll... I need to think on this.

May I- if I have questions later, would it be acceptable to bring them to you? I don't want to be a bother but I don't want to assume-

When some characteristic is tied to power, it is often better that it's unalterable in the eyes of those who bow to that power.

You can bring them to me.

This is the one you named Garnet, so you can find me later.

[Okay, now it's been made to feed bad. Ugh.]

...Sorry.

I'm an asshole.

No it's... it's alright. I realize now that was a lot to just ask of a stranger out of the dark. I can hardly blame you for being a bit short in response.

It's fine. I guess.

Don't ask me about gender things. Please.

Of course. I'll make sure to remember.

...Thanks.

[And now it's going to go crawl into a corner somewhere and stare blankly at the wall while it hopes that no one else ever tries to talk to it about gender things ever again]

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