FeedLog01.entry

[ugh_emotions]

[Surprisingly quickly after the arrival of the recommended reading, a typed rant appears on the bulletin board. It is not signed.]

This Twilight book is fucking terrible and here is why:

• It's boring
  
• It's a stupid romance
  
• Uses way to much of that thing where like, things are emphasised a lot. Hyperbolic, or whatever
  
• Story structure is shit, most of it is about the stupid boring romance with the stupid boring characters, and then hostiles appear out of nowhere without even one scene ominously hinting about their existence
  
• Planetary Security in this place sucks
  
• The stupid fucking love interest Edward also sucks and is clearly hostile
  
• If Bella has to have a stupid love interested she should pick someone less likely to murder her
  
• He admits to wanting to eat her
  
• He breaks and enters into her sleeping quarters, as well as other clear stalking behaviours
  
• Seriously he keeps going on about how much he wants to eat Bella, what the fuck
  
• Why is she not concerned about this, does she want to fucking die
  
• Bella is also terrible. And boring.
  
• (Also Edward liking her smell is disgusting, that's just gross)
  
• The hostiles that arrived at the end distracted from the stupid romance plot, so I guess that sucked slightly less than the rest of the book, but it was still badly written and fucking stupid

In conclusion: it sucks.

Comments

[flantastic]

What is it with some people and wanting to eat humans, even in stories? Why is this a theme? No one sensible would ever do this but it keeps coming up.

[ugh_emotions]

I don't know, it does happen. Sometimes. Usually only when things are really, really fucked. Or there's fauna.

Sticking around the thing that wants to eat you is still fucking stupid.

[silkwaltz]

[The reply is in a very neat, thin, calligraphy hand.]

It sounds disjointed, to be sure but... eating one's mate is romantic. I mean, not until after they've sired children for you or it's a terrible waste, but then they're always with you.

I... I'm not sure about the idea of the male being the one to eat the female, though, that seems strange. To say nothing of this Bella not responding to Edward's intrusion into her space without permission with anything less than dismemberment. Is she... well? Perhaps it's simply a poorly written horror story?

[ugh_emotions]

[There is only one rational response to this horror. Complete and total horror, and a frantic attempt to try and figure out how to delete someone else's response.

It does not figure out how to delete someone else's response. It has to resort to physically sticking a piece of paper over the comment in its journal, so it can't see it anymore.

Then it deletes the memory of having ever see the comment in the first place. The only thing it leaves is a note to itself telling it to never, ever go back and look at the comment again.]

[stabgremlin]

[Is this reply for him? No.

Is he going to respond to it anyway? Yes.]

Oh good, looks like I'm not the only one here from a deeply messed up society.

Good to know.

Considering the "female eating the male thing"... Insectoid?
Or something else?

- Major Nahain

[ohaiyo_isekai]

Minor correction on one very important point: Edward, being a vampire, wants to drink her blood because vampires can't eat anything else. Not necessarily a fatal amount of it, we've got a lot of blood and if he takes it all she'll wake up as a vampire.

Will not disagree on the rest of it being a disaster but if we end up running into Fucking Vampires and Fucking Werewolves, the distinction is handy.

Also, in those cases, I recommend fire and the use of silvered blades, bullets and bludgeons, respectively. Sufficient amounts of thermal or radiant energy of any kind will work in a pinch.

- Hikaru, 光

[ugh_emotions]

He wants to consume her internal bits. That counds as eating.

Also if he can only eat blood, then he should get a medbay to print some for him. He doesn't have to bite people. Bite wounds are dangerous.

[The bit about the recommended weapons is noted, but not responded to.]

[stabgremlin]

Is romance not always stupid?

In all seriousness, making that amount of drama boring has to be some sort of talent.
Stalking, violence, cannibalism(?)...

I mean, that sounds like what you'd see on an average afternoon in any reputable establishment in the Empire, but there it's never boring— even when you get the aftermath summarized in writing.



... How complete is your summary here though?
Good enough for me to skip the reading?

- Major Nahain

[ugh_emotions]

Yes. It is.

Complete enough. You don't want to read it. It's not worth it.

[It read it, and it regrets it so much.]

[codeswitchcraft]

[Congratulations. Sio finally taught herself how to use the notebook network for this. Her reply is in a very elegant Kurrentschrift.]

If I were Bella, I would flee to the lands of her friend Jacob and his Tribe.

[ugh_emotions]

[This response actually takes SecUnit slightly longer to decode. Mainly because 'reading in cursive' is a thing it has needed to do approximately never. It does not have an education module on that.]

Why the fuck are you writing like that.

You're not boring and stupid enough to be Bella.

[terraboo]

If this were my first vampire fiction, it would leave me incapable of appreciating the sexuality of vampires that's long been part of the tales around them.

Also, of denim jeans. Though I don't get that one anyways.

[ugh_emotions]

[For the second time, SecUnit receives a comment that leaves it experiencing a feeling that can be described as horror. Not that it remembers the first time, because already deleted that experience from its memories.

This one's not as bad as 'eating sex partners is romantic', but the end result is the same. SecUnit absolutely completely refuses to engage, and does not reply.]

voice;

[defyingreality]

The only vampires that matters are The Count and Naynpire. All the rest are clearly inferior.

[ugh_emotions]

I don't know who either of those people are.

[steelfeathered]

Sometimes people just smell good.

[ugh_emotions]

No.

[aetherialshackles]

I am not familiar with 'relationships' so to speak. Not romantic ones, at least, it's a whole alien concept to me.

That being said, I do feel like you make very compelling points there. I... felt uncomfortable reading the book, that's for sure. The idea of smelling people- that's a whole level of 'ew'.

[ugh_emotions]

You don't want to be familiar with them.

And I make compelling points because I'm right.

Handwritten addendum

[not_scrap]

Bestie, you do not even KNOW

First off, wtf is this misogynistic tripe. Sure she gets like powers and stuff but only after being given them by A MAN?!? GTFO. Antifeminist bullshit.

Second, it totally misses the point of a goddam vampire story. Vampires are a fucking metaphor about malignant capitalism. Everyone knows this. It's not sexy to offer yourself to your phallocratic oppressors.

This is like goddam brainwashing for women. I hates it, I do.

[ugh_emotions]

[SecUnit stares at this comment for what is a very long time, for a construct, before doing anything about it. See, it agrees with the overall vibe of the comment - the book is bad, and this person is correct for hating it - but it also doesn't understand a thing this human has said. What did genders have to do with any of this? What was antifeminist bullshit? What were phallocratic oppressors meant to be (as opposed to normal, regular oppressors?)

It could ask. But then it decides that it doesn't actually want to know.]

Right. So it's terrible, and we all hate it.

[knockingatthedoor]

Shesh
I already don't like reading
you're not selling me this book, buddy.

Romantic crap already isn't for me but trashy romantic crap? EW. And I'm a big food guy BUT- eating people? Seems a bit too much even for me. Who even thinks your BF wanting to munch you is hot?

[ugh_emotions]

Don't read the book.

It's not worth it.

[And it's just going to sidestep that entire comment about how apparently this book thinks romantic partners wanting to eat you was 'hot'. That wasn't actually an insight that had occurred to SecUnit. Mainly because it avoided thinking about the sorts of things humans thought was 'hot'. And it certainly didn't want to start talking about that now.]

[telecosmetic]

Well, the stalking sounds bad, but it's kind of romantic if he's resisting actually eating her, isn't it? I guess the book is bad in other ways, but it sounds kind of sweet that he's willing to go against his instincts for her like that?

[ugh_emotions]

...No, no it's not fucking sweet, what the fuck.

People who want to eat you are dangerous threats. And if he wanted to not be a dangerous threat, then he shouldn't stay in proximity with humans he wants to eat.

[keytarheroine]

Man, now I’m glad I skipped out on this because of the cooties when I was young and stupid. Now that I’m old and wise it still sucks. All so terribly, compulsorily het and romantic.

Like I get that you don’t read a romance novel for speeches on the power of platonic friendship or found family but would it have killed Mayer to give Bella real friends or a hint of queer yearning? Or is my answer “she was Mormon and it shows?”

[ugh_emotions]

What the fuck is a Mormon?

[awreck]

I think it was meant to be a teen romance story? Teens are stupid and like the idea of a love interest being a possessive stalker who's rich and

cultured?

[ He's not sure "cultured" is the right word for it, but Wreck feels like that's what the author was going for. ]

At least Edward's doing his job correctly by sucking. How else is he going to get the blood out? No, seriously, maybe that was the intention of the author. Making him suck all around so the reader would know he was a fantastic vampire.

[ugh_emotions]

The stupidity of adolescent humans isn't an excuse to give them stupid books to read. Maybe if they had better books, they'd be less stupid.

That doesn't make any sense.

Using teeth to extract blood is dangerous. And disgusting.

[dovedive]

Thanks for doing us all a favor in reading the book. Now I don't have to ruin a few braincells trying to get through it. Your efforts will not go unnoticed~

How long did it take you to push your way through it anyway?

-Nice

[ugh_emotions]

I didn't read it for you. But whatever. You're right, you don't want to read it.

[It had, actually, been hoping that the book might be good. It had been so, so disappointed to find out that it was not.

I'm a fast reader.

[fellfurthest]

[Lucifer never ever thought the laughing-crying emoji would fit him under any circumstances, but the Universe / (God the Father, whatever you believe in or don't!) wins again!]

[In unnecessarily "elegant" hand-written script as if by an archaic quill:]

Thank you, this has been most enlightening. Please consider releasing it as an ongoing series of dating 101 tips, I'm sure it'll be wildly popular.

Was there anything you found remotely salvageable?

[ugh_emotions]

No.

[Translation: No, it was not going to release a series of dating 101 tips, what the fuck. And no, there is nothing remotely salvageable in the book.]

Happening outside of the journals -

[ultimateedgehog]

[Over a period of time, perhaps a day, the following things happen:

Shadow's eyes catch on the typed note pinned to the bulletin board, and while he does not stop to read it, his ears still flick back in annoyance.

It happens again the second time he passes it a while later.

After the third time, SecUnit's drones might pick up a heavy exhale from the hedgehog - and then see it when he goes to the circulation desk, tears the pen for requests off the chain, and promptly is blipped into the Safe Zone for his crime.

Eventually he's released from Mandatory Chill-Out Time, and pen in hand, starts making corrections on the post. Word forms, grammar he disagrees with, any other corrections as he sees fit. Sad as it is, he really does not have anything better to do with his time.]

Re: Happening outside of the journals -

[ugh_emotions]

[When Shadow next opens his journal, he'll see that there's a message that's been sent to him directly - not connected to the bulletin post]

Fuck you

[There is no full stop on the message. Possibly purely to be even more aggravating.]

[shakenit]

The fact that it's a romance is going to be part of the appeal for a lot of people, but I know one of my friends is sick of seeing love stories everywhere, and if it's going to be a romance it could at least be less unhealthy than... whatever this is. [Seriously, if even Sumire can tell it's unhealthy when she has no experience in the area...

Other than crushes on several people, one of whom is the first to insist he's a terrible person. Still.]

And the whole thing is definitely haphazard.

I'm not sure what you mean by Planetary Security.

[ugh_emotions]

I hate romance stories.

[This is, no doubt, a monumental surprise.]

...The security on the planet. Like Bella's parent.